Have you had indecisive moments recently? I usually make decisions easily without hesitation or contemplation. During this section, especially today, I debated a lot about what I needed to do. Even after I made a choice, I wasn’t sure it was the best decision. Perhaps, the universe is teaching me to be okay with unclear, debatable, and uncertain moments and make peace with whatever I decide to do.

The first such unclear moment was at Hanover. I had an incredible rest and overnight stay at a farm in Lebanon, a town just outside of Hanover, where a friend of a friend of mine runs it. They were very welcoming and invited me to join the dinner. I picked fresh bunches of lettuce from the garden and helped to make salad. It was delicious, and I slept very well that night. The weather forecast for the next day predicted rain from the afternoon until the following morning. I went back and forth about leaving or staying. I almost decided to stay since the farmhouse was comfortable, people were kind and willing to host me, and the food was abundant. At the end, I decided to go. I had handled the rain enough, and I knew the forecast for the following day would be sunny. Even if I got wet, it would be just for the night. I thought I’d rather get going. I felt excited and eager to get to the White Mountains, the place I’ve heard many times for its rugged and steep nature. Even the experienced thru-hikers slow down significantly for this section. I was curious and ready for the climb and see the mountain. As I was getting into a car with a friend, she asked, “Are you sure?” I was almost sure: part of me wanted to take a zero day since the farm might be the last oasis for the remaining AT. I had broken gear that I could have fixed, and I could rest another day. When she dropped me off, she said to call her if it downpours and I need to get out of the mountains.

It didn’t rain till past 2pm, and it rained hard only for an hour; then it was cloudy for the remaining daylight hours. I was thrilled and felt good about the decision to leave. I thanked the universe for giving me a window to continue my way to a camp, 0.1 mile south of the top of Smarts Mountain at 3,226 feet. My plan was to watch sunrise from the observation tower on the summit the next morning. There was a thunderstorm and lightning at night, but it passed shortly.

Unfortunately, when I made it to the top of the mountain the next day, it was all foggy. It reminded me of my attempt to watch the sunrise from Kuwohi in the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. I found it difficult to watch the sunrise on the AT. I left the foggy summit, thinking that if I took a zero day at the farm, I might have been able to watch the sunrise. Who knows? Sometimes I felt good to leave, and other times I heard my voice saying, “I could have waited for a day.” The best attitude I could have was to leave the summit with a hope to see sunrise somewhere before the end of the AT.

After hiking 15 miles north from Smarts Mountain, I entered the White Mountains. I have been enjoying the rugged, steep terrain so far, climbing up and down the sustained rocky slope one after another, which is exactly what I imagined the White Mountains to be. Sometimes, the trail was right in front of my face! I am a climber, so I was excited about scrambling up and over steep rock faces.

Yesterday, I made another attempt to watch a sunrise from the top of Moosilauke at 4,795 feet. I camped a mile from the summit the night before in the trees, and it was cold. It was another indecisive moment: I debated whether to climb up steep and rocky terrain above 4,000 feet at the end of the day for the potential sunrise or play safe and stay low. Feeling cold and hearing the wind, I thought maybe it wasn’t the best idea. I was wearing everything I had. It reminded me of Colorado from last year when I was hiking the CDT. I was wearing every piece of wearable gear, including my pack cover and my backpack in the snowy San Juan Mountains. Remembering that experience, I thought, “At least I’m not in snow and post-holing in the White Mountains!”

All those doubts went away when I saw the dramatic sunrise the next morning. I left my camp at 4:50 am and headed toward the peak. When I woke up, it was clear, and I could see the morning glow in the distance through the trees. When I started hiking, the fog rolled in, and I thought, “Again!?” I made it to the top at sunrise. It was very windy and foggy with little visibility, and I didn’t even see any sign of sunrise. I was disappointed, hearing my voice say, “I could have called the day earlier yesterday, rested, stayed warm, and done the big climb to the summit much later today.”

I planned to have breakfast at the peak, and found a spot on the leeward side of the peak where it was protected from the wind. I started making my breakfast, feeling comfortable and warm, with a hope that the fog would clear out soon. Sure enough, I saw blue sky through the fast-moving fog above me, then sunlight came through the fog from the east. I stood up and looked over the ledge and saw a glowing orange sun through the fog. The sunbeam illuminated the fog around it, and it was magical. I live for these miraculous moments. Yes! I made a wise choice! I was totally in awe of the beauty. It was a lot of work to make it to the summit and be patient.

Feeling excited and satisfied, I descended down to the trees, following the Beaver Brook and endless cascades of water. Listening to the sounds of the waterfall, I felt happy and warm. I decided to take my time to enjoy the moment and took a morning dip at one of the pools. It was so refreshing!

I climbed two more peaks: Mount Wolf and another 4,000-foot peak called Kinsman Mountain.

I made it down to Lonesome Lake. By then, it was past 6 pm and too late to get to the Flume Gorge Visitor Center to pick up my resupply. I wanted to get there, and instead, I took my time to enjoy the beautiful day.

I stopped by Lonesome Lake Hut to ask if I could camp nearby. They offered me a work-to-stay, a program where a thru-hiker helps them and, in exchange, the hiker receives food and a floor space to sleep.

I usually hike till seven, but the Flume Gorge Visitor Center won’t open till 9 am. I only had 3 miles to the VC, so I decided to get a free meal and end my day earlier than usual.

I had to wait until the guests were done with their dinner. I went to the lake for dipping and sat there for a while to see the beautiful lake in the evening light. It was stunning. If I didn’t take my time to enjoy my day, I would have missed it.

I checked the weather, and it said that it would be windy and rainy this afternoon. There was another thru-hiker who was doing work-to-stay. We discussed options including getting the resupply and pushing to go or skipping the resupply and getting through Franconia Ridge in the morning. I could rely on work-to-stay at other huts along the AT for food, or I could get resupply somewhere else. I left the hut and found my camp, kept thinking about all the options. What would be the best? Work-to-stay is not guaranteed, but perhaps I could get food? I could get to Gorham earlier, the resupply town that I planned to go to?

I went back and forth all morning. I decided to get my food at Flume Gorge Visitor Center after all, thinking that it’s best to have my own food. I know myself enough, and I would feel much better and prepared to have my own. I still didn’t know whether I should get going or stay in town for a night to wait out the weather to pass.

At Flume Gorge Visitor Center, I got my resupply, and the forecast changed to be sunny and cloudy till 5 pm. I thought it was a good sign from the universe for me to keep going. I said goodbye to the ranger who helped me and started hiking back to the trail. Before leaving the parking lot, I checked the weather one more time. It changed again! The forecast included increased wind by 1 pm.

I walked back to the VC and talked to the ranger again. She pulled the weather information from Mt. Washington and informed me about the wind. It was clear to me that all different weather forecast platforms were warning rain/wind for today and tomorrow morning, and improved/stable weather on Thursday. I don’t like staying in town, but I know enough about how dangerous it could be once above the tree line when it’s raining and windy. I decided to wait. I don’t know when I would have another chance to hike the White Mountains. If I only do this once, I might do it on a beautiful, calm, sunny day.

I hiked the 2.5-mile loop trail to explore the Flume Gorge in the morning, making my nero day (a thru-hiker term meaning “near zero” miles) a little more fun. Many people come to this state park to see the gorge, and it was beautiful. There was a viewpoint for Liberty Mountain, and I could see a gray cloud developing on top.

By the time I hitched a ride into town, grabbed some grocery and started walking to the library, I could feel the rain would start in any moment. Looking at the mountain tops in the distance as I walked, I thought I had many indecisive moments during this section. I was frustrated with myself, especially today. I debated a lot. I made choices. I changed my decision many times, doubting. I don’t like it.

I have to remember that perhaps the universe is teaching me to be okay with unclear, debatable, and uncertain moments and make peace with whatever I decided to do. When I made it to the Lincoln library, it started raining. I could be up there in the mountains now and maybe okay. Perhaps feeling challenged. But I am here in town. So let’s make peace with it and enjoy the roof over my head for a night. Tomorrow, after this storm passes, I will go, knowing the beautiful mountain on calm and sunny days awaits for those who are patient.